From Genesis, but can be read on its own. Fitz has sustained a traumatic brain injury, and after two months of trying to help him, Simmons realizes that he’ll probably never return to normal. (Gifs are from agentsofgifs.)
She backed away slowly, her legs moving of their own accord. She wasn’t sure if anyone was talking to her, there was a buzzing sound that had filled her ears, but she was out of there before she had a chance to find out. She hadn’t the faintest clue where she was going, but every ounce of her, every bone in her body, needed, needed to get away.
She began walking faster, her feet taking her up the stairs into the Bus’s common room. Since mostly everyone else was either in the base or the lab downstairs, it was her best chance of being alone.
But was that really what she wanted? To be alone?
She wanted to scream, she needed to scream, but nothing came out. She simply kept walking, unseeing, unhearing anything at all, until her eyes focused on the shelves in front of her. Because her body had unconsciously taken her to her safe place, the Bus’s storeroom, where only one other person apart from herself had ever had cause to enter.
Jemma reached out to steady herself on one of the file cabinets, but it was too late. She could feel her tears getting ready to spill over, the tears she’d been holding back for the past two months, the tears she’d been saving because some small part of her had held out for the hope that he might remember. But that hope was gone now. How could she have been so stupid?
Her vision blurred as she stared at the drawer handle, the memory of the last time she’d stood in that spot washing over her. Last time, he’d known she’d needed him before she even knew she’d needed him. Last time, he hadn’t asked for an explanation because he hadn’t needed one. Last time, he’d allowed her to cry away from everyone else, away from the people that expected her to solve a problem she wasn’t sure she could.
But this time wasn’t like that.
Jemma clutched her stomach, the strength of her tears almost too much for her to bear. She didn’t look behind her, didn’t glance at the door, because she knew the empty space would break her heart all over again.
And as she sank to the floor, she felt the ghost of a hand on her shoulder. But it was only her imagination. Because this time, no one came.
This time, she cried alone.
I like to think about the first law of thermodynamics, that no energy in the universe is created… none is destroyed. That means that every bit of energy inside us, every particle will go on to be a part of something else, maybe live as a dragonfish, a microbe, maybe burn in a supernova 10 billion years from now. And every part of us now was once a part of some other thing… a moon, a storm cloud, a mammoth. A monkey. Thousands and thousands of other beautiful things that were just as terrified to die as we are.
We gave them new life… a good one, I hope.